Size Does Matter
by Tatyana Bulanova
Summary: Based off the episode Frog Day Afternoon, I've decided to make a spinoff episode. On a mission, Wheeler and Linka slip into some mysterious goo which ends up causing them to shrink! Minor swearing


NOTE: This is based off a Captain Planet I saw a long time ago but can't find any information on. So Diana got the bright idea that since I can't find anything on it, I should write a fiction on it. (Dammit, this DID happen, though!) Only parts of it actually happened, but most of it I just made up. If you have information on this episode, or any comments, feel free to email me. I encourage emails of all sorts.

UPDATE: It has been discovered that the episode from which this is derived is called Frog Day Afternoon in season 6.

Another UPDATE (Dec. 2005): This was written some time ago and I've not gone back over it. I've probably learned better rules of English since then, so there could be a grammatical error or two, but that's fine. It should still be a decent read. Anyway, I've only just now decided to publish it on FF . net. Enjoy!

**Size Does Matter**

"Planeteers, assemble in the Crystal Chamber at once. I have some disturbing footage to show you," Gaia announced to them all throughout Hope Island. Every Planeteer dropped what he or she was doing and came immediately to the place they were summoned. On the monitor, Gaia showed them a toxic landfill hidden in a forest.

"This is terrible!" cried Linka.

"Yes! Those men are hiding the garbage they produce out of sight so that the people of their town won't complain about it. But if it's left like that, uncontrolled, the whole forest could suffer, along with the town!" said Gi.

Kwame said, "Yes, it's just postponing an even bigger problem!"

"Those dirt bags just don't wanna have to travel to use an open landfill!" Wheeler said, shaking his fist.

"Planeteers, you must stop them and help clean up the trash they have already brought."

"You can count on us, Gaia!" said Ma-Ti, racing out to the Geocruiser.

"Da, we will show them their errors!"

And all the Planeteers ran to follow suit.

When the Planeteers landed, they saw how truly disgusting their problem really was. They could barely stand the stench of the trash wafting through the air.

"Ugh! What _is_ this junk?" asked Wheeler, trying to get some air.

"It's a shame it's by this nice little creek," said Gi, pointing to a bubbling stream.

"We need to look for employees or foremen," stated Kwame in a nasally voice; he was holding his nose.

The Planeteers split up and searched for some sign of life around the heap of smelling refuse. Linka and Wheeler took the northern side of the trash heap. Linka jerked at a sudden pinch or two. "Wheeler, stop kidding around," Linka scolded the redhead. He was tickling her sides.

"Sorry, babe. Couldn't resist," he replied, putting a hand on the back of his neck.

The two walked around a particularly large pile of trash.

"They were planning on burying _this?_ The way it is piled up, it doesn't look like—Agh!" Linka fell backwards into the trash as Wheeler barreled into her. She fell onto her back and Wheeler was right on top of her.

"This is a cuddly position," he said. "Kiss me!" He darted down to get a quick kiss but Linka rolled away and he planted one on an old tub of Ben and Jerry's. "Yuck!" he sputtered, wiping his lips.

"What are you doing, Yankee?" Linka was fuming. "This is not the time or place!"

"It never _is_ the time or place!" Wheeler said, chuckling.

"That is right! Look at all this stuff you pushed me into," Linka said as she held up her vest and shirt, which appeared to be covered in greenish goo. "It is all over me! And you have some on yourself too, but not nearly as much as I do."

Wheeler walked over to Linka and licked his thumb. He wiped away a smudge of the green stuff that was on her cheek. "That's okay. You're cute when you're dirty! It smells like some kind of chemical," he said. "I hope we'll be alright."

"I don't think we will. Wheeler, I feel kind of funny," said Linka weakly.

"You don't look so good, girl."

Linka gave a moan and fell forward. Wheeler caught her and she collapsed on him, barely able to support herself.

"Uh oh," said Wheeler, holding her up as best as he could. "I don't feel so hot myself."

"Is that a pun?" Linka moaned without looking up.

"Do you want it to be?" Wheeler groaned.

"Bozhe moy! What is happening to you?" Linka's eyes widened in horror at Wheeler. He looked down at himself and discovered he appeared to be shrinking! He looked at his hands, and then looked back to Linka but he was only to her waist, which was steadily rising higher. Despite this strange phenomenon, he couldn't help admiring the view. Unfortunately, the pleasant scene before him was soon terminated and replaced with darkness. He couldn't figure out what the deal was until he felt around and realized a fabric was over him. He pushed his way around until he found an opening in the cloth and soon he realized he had shrunk but his clothes had remained the same size. He had shrunk until he was a bit larger than a dime and then he stopped. To his surprise, Linka's clothes were also an abandoned heap on the ground.

"Holy cow! I'm naked!" Wheeler said under his breath. "But if _I'm_ naked, then that means…"

"I am shrunk, too!" cried Linka's muffled voice. Her arms soon poked out from her vest and then her head. As she realized she was naked, she pulled her clothes around her body. As she realized _Wheeler_ was naked, she blushed furiously and turned her back.

She couldn't help peeking over her shoulder. "Don't just stand there gawking! Find us something to wear!" Then she turned her head back and tilted her nose upwards at him.

"Yes ma'am," he replied. He looked around for anything within arm's reach. He spotted a tissue in the land fill. "This'll have to do," he said to himself. He reached over the heap that was his attire and grabbed the tissue. It was heavy and hard to pull. He tore off a large piece and wrapped it around himself, securing it snuggly. Then he tore another piece off, quite a bit larger, and waved it in the air. "Come get it," he said with a huge grin.

Linka peered over her shoulder once more, and saw what he was waving. Then she turned all the way around to face him as she yelled at him. "That is disgusting! You expect me to wear a used tissue?"

Wheeler shrugged helplessly with a sheepish smile. "It's the least disgusting thing there is though. And it works well!"

Linka blushed again and turned away. "Well then I suppose it will have to do. Bring it over." She crossed her arms and waited.

Wheeler made his way over the now mountainous clothes and reached up to hand it to Linka, who was standing on some of her clothes. She disdainfully took the piece of tissue with a look of disgust and turned back around.

Being the gentleman he was, Wheeler kindly turned his back while the lady got dressed. Linka tied her tissue around herself in a toga-like fashion and climbed down her clothes. Wheeler whistled long and loud.

"Enough clowning, we must find the others!"

Wheeler was about to say something, but he lost track of what it was when he noticed a huge shadow come over them and turned his face skywards. "I think they've found us!" A huge sneaker was going to crush them any moment. He grabbed Linka and rolled with her out of the way of the near crushing. Before Linka had the chance to get mad at him and shove him off, Wheeler rolled off of her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Da. A little dizzy, but da. This is a very nasty landfill," she said, sitting up in what appeared to be old coffee grounds. As she and Wheeler began to stand, she felt the garbage trembling beneath them. "It feels like an earthquake!" she screamed and toppled into Wheeler, fallowed by mounds of refuse. They rode down a garbage hill, trash cascading down behind them.

"It is like an avalanche of garbage!" Linka hollered to Wheeler, who grabbed her wrist and slalomed down the junk to safety. They landed in some grass and tried to get their bearings. "Everything is so big, I do not know where we are," she sighed.

"I think our stuff is back around this way." Wheeler began walking out into the grass. It was so tall it was like a forest. The blades grew high over head and some blocked out pieces of the sun.

"Everything looks so different from this angle," Linka noted.

"Yeah, I know. It's strange," he commented.

"I hope we are going to be okay." They made conversation as they walked farther. "I don't wanna stay like this forever. Yuck! What _is_ this stuff?"

Linka looked over and saw Wheeler maneuvering about, entangled in an invisible web that was strung up between two blades of grass. A spider was running towards him.

"Oh no!" Linka was shocked for a moment. "Wind!" Linka aimed her ring hand towards the predator and expected a blast of air to hit the spider's body, but nothing came. She forgot he was now small enough to stand inside her ring, which was back with her clothes. "Chort Vozmi!" She shouted inside her head. The spider was hastily crawling towards its latest meal.

Linka looked around for something—anything—to use against this attacking beast. She caught sight of a large twig and grabbed it. Holding it steady with both hands, she smacked the spider across its cephalothorax. It made a large thumping sound and the spider halted for a moment, stunned. Linka helped Wheeler get free and tore pieces of web from his body. It was a long process because Linka had to make sure she did not get stuck too. The spider was recovering! Linka worked as fast as she could and finally Wheeler was free enough to fall out of the web. He hit the ground. He was still struggling to free himself from the webbing that was wrapped around him. The spider took advantage of the moment and raced down its web, having fully recovered from the surprise of the blow it had received. Linka jumped in front of him just as the spider was about to strike. "Nyet! You will not have Wheeler for your next meal!" She grabbed the twig that was so heavy she had to use both hands and jammed it towards the spider's carapace. It hit the underbelly with a hard crack and pushed the spider over backwards. It wiggled for a moment trying to upright itself again.

Linka helped Wheeler free himself from the rest of the web. He was obviously shaken. "I _hate_ spiders! That was so nasty!" he shouted. Linka put an arm on his shoulder.

"You are okay now."

"Man! How could you stand to do that?" he asked incredulously.

Wheeler blushed, which is something he didn't do often, and scuffed his feet in the dirt. "I hear some water up ahead. It must be that creek we saw when we landed. Let's get outta here before that spider gets back up!"

They ran ahead until they could see the babbling creek. Now, however, it was a raging river. Wheeler walked over to it but before he got to the bank, he was head butted by a gigantic ant. "Ooof!" he cried as the ant's head jammed into his side. Wheeler was carried a few feet forwards by the ant and then his body, limp, fell off and into the water. It felt like he had been head butted by an angry bull. The ant never seemed to notice it had bumped into anything and continued on. Linka gasped at the sight before her and ran to fetch Wheeler, who was steadily sinking. She was almost to the bank of the river, but the moment before she reached it, more ants ensued and she was nearly head butted herself. They were big enough to ride! She kept looking for Wheeler, but it was impossible to get past the stampede and very difficult to see past them. There were so many, they kicked up a mild amount of dust. It was like watching a herd of wild buffalo run by. At last, the seemingly endless trail of ants halted and the last one passed by.

Linka ran down to the delta where the water would carry Wheeler and waited. Her eyes darted back and forth, nervously scanning the waters. "Come on, Come on!" she said frantically. She waited and watched and still there was nothing. "Where are you, Wheeler?" she pleaded. She waited until she feared it may be too late when Wheeler broke surface a few yards ahead of where she had run, coughing and sputtering.

"Wheeler!" cried Linka with joy, and she ran down to meet him. Wheeler began swimming to the bank, holding his head. His head hammered. He was a little over halfway out of the water when Linka's body crashed into his. She flung herself around his neck and they toppled back into the delta, both now soaking wet. They reemerged, and Linka was still wrapped tightly around Wheeler, squeezing with delight. Wheeler, quite taken aback her sudden affection, grinned as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Now that she was soaking wet in her makeshift clothes, she was more beautiful than he had ever imagined in his wildest dreams (and believe me, he's had some wild ones!).

"Hey, babe. I might almost drown more often if this is how you're gonna act!" Linka pulled back, suddenly shy.

Now she had gotten a hold of herself, she was back to her saucy norm and replied, "Sorry for the pun, Yankee, but don't hold your breath!"

Wheeler groaned. "Aw man. What a day. First, I get shrunk, then I have to find new clothes, then get gored by a giant ant, nearly drown in a raging river that's actually just a small creek, save the girl of my dreams from being attacked by a hideous spider and now she won't even kiss me?"

"Well, when you couch it in those terms—" Linka was cut short by a large splash. They turned their gaze and saw the largest snake in history swimming rapidly towards them.

"Not again!" said Wheeler. "There's never a break!" He grabbed Linka and they raced out of the water as fast as they could, not daring to look behind them.

"Wheeler, my clothes!" she cried. He could feel her slowing down, and pulled her wrist harder. "Not now, Linka!" he panted.

"Nyet! You do not understand! It is hard to run! When they got wet, they are starting to fall off and trip me!"

"Linka, we don't have time for this! Damn, I wish we did though." He said with a grin in his voice. Now that she had mentioned it, Wheeler noticed his own clothes were starting to chafe. "We'll find better ones when we can get outta here!" Wheeler judged they were making good time by the number of blades of grass they passed when he felt Linka's wrist slip from his hand. He looked back to see her on the ground, tripping over her makeshift clothing and the snake was close behind. He ran back and picked her up off the ground. "Are you okay?" Wheeler wheezed as they ran further still.

"Da, I think so," replied Linka, becoming fatigued. Wheeler saw a huge boulder ahead of them, which by normal standards would have been considered a small pebble, and they darted behind it. The snake passed by and was soon out of site. Linka and Wheeler leaned against the rock and exhaled in relief. Linka was panting pretty hard. "Who'd a thunk you of all people would lose your wind?" he asked, a mischievous smile playing across his lips.

"Wheeler, you really must work on your jokes!" she huffed, chuckling a little.

"Hey, one bad pun deserves another," he joked with her cleverly.

"It's like a whole different world down here," she said in awe.

"Yeah, I know whatcha mean. There's danger at every turn."

Seeing her clothing in ripped rags, most of it gone, Wheeler said "Nah, your clothes work just fine for me, babe!"

Linka got a pretentious frown. "Nyet, Yankee. We are finding new clothes and that is that!" She crossed her arms and said indignantly, "Let us go."

They made their way about the forest of grass, scanning for items with which to make their clothes.

"Oh yeah!" Wheeler said, smacking his head. "I've got a few gum wrappers in my pocket."

"Too bad you didn't remember that _before _we got tied up in this nasty Kleenex. We need to get back. I don't know how much longer these clothes are going to hold up."

Wheeler frowned and looked up to the heavens as if begging. He had a look of torture on his face. "Alright, let's go," he sighed remorsefully and turned back around.

"Do you know the way back?" she asked.

"Sure. We just have to follow this creek back to the landfill. From there, it's a cinch. I just hope we can get back without running into any more snags."

"Kwame! Ma-Ti! Come quickly!" cried Gi. Kwame and Ma-Ti, a few yards away, ran over to where Gi was kneeling.

"What is it?" asked Ma-Ti. His eyes flashed with worry and concern.

"Look!" Gi pointed to two large heaps. At first, Kwame was not sure what they were. Then he realized they were Linka's and Wheeler's clothes.

"What on Earth?" questioned Kwame. His ring glowed for a moment, ready for action but not sure what to do. Kwame covered his mouth until his ring died down. "I knew those two liked each other, but this is ridiculous!"

"No, there's another explanation. Look at this green stuff on these clothes. It smells like some sort of chemical," assured Gi.

Ma-Ti picked up Linka's vest and examined it thoroughly, making sure not to get into the green splashes of liquid. "So strange," he mumbled. "We had better clean these off."

Kwame gasped and caught sight of two glinting objects on the ground. "Their rings!"

The couple walked, battered, scraped, and bruised, back to the site where they had fallen victim to the trash avalanche. It turned out to be a pretty far walk and the sun was beginning to set.

"Wheeler, I do not know if I can go on," said Linka, stopping to rest.

"It's just a little further. You made it this far once. We have to get back to the clothes."

"Maybe you should go on without me."

"Are you kidding? After all the dangers we've been through in the last thirty

minutes? Plus it's getting night and we both know all the predators come out at night!" he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her onwards. "There's no sum of money that can get me to leave you by yourself now."

Linka sighed. She ran up to Wheeler, who had turned his back and begun walking again and spun him around. She hugged him and nuzzled his neck. "Thank you for everything you did for me today, Wheeler," she whispered into his ear. Wheeler wrapped his arms around her. "No problem. So how's about that kiss? After all, I am a hero!"

For once, Linka smiled at the question. Expecting abuse, his eyes widened to tremendous dilations as she said "You certainly are. Sure, Yankee." And she planted a solid, firm, and most of all, long kiss on Wheeler's lips. Wheeler was so taken aback with ecstasy, he couldn't see straight. Linka released him and giggled. "Now let us go," she smiled.

Wheeler jumped up and pumped his fist in the air.

"WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!" he shouted, echoing in the grass. Linka chuckled again. "I thought you'd be mad at me!" he said.

"How could I be mad at you after all you've done today?" she smiled softly. Before he had the chance to reply, she pushed him on, saying "Let us go. We have got to find our clothes."

Wheeler saw the familiar, old, empty and forgotten Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub.

"How's my old girlfriend?" he asked the empty tub, patting its side. "I never thought I'd be so glad to see trash!"

"Now we can get new clothes!" said Linka.

Wheeler started to nod enthusiastically but stopped. "Hey, Linka?" he asked.

"Da?"

"I don't see our clothes…"

"WHAT!" cried Linka.

"Look! They aren't here!" Then Wheeler caught sight of a huge string, followed it up and realized it was attached to an untied shoe. He followed the leg and realized it was Gi's massive figure hovering above him… And she was holding his clothing!

"GI!" shouted Wheeler at the top of his lungs.

"GI!" shouted Linka with him, jumping up and down. They tried furiously to get her attention but nothing seemed to work.

"Damn it I wish I had my ring!" he shouted, kicking a small piece of dirt. Linka ran over to Gi's shoelace and climbed up it.

Looking back to see Wheeler's puzzled face, she motioned him over and said "What are you waiting on, Yankee?"

"I don't know what you've got in mind, but I sure hope it works," he said as he ran over. Wheeler jumped and grabbed hold of Linka's outstretched hand, which pulled him up. Together they climbed Gi's sock.

When they had reached the top, Linka explained to Wheeler what he needed to do. Linka counted, "one, two, three!" and they both dug their nails into Gi's flesh as hard as they could. To them, it felt as thick and impossible to get their hands around as elephant's skin.

"The mosquitoes around here are terrible, said Gi reaching to scratch her leg. She looked down and saw two small creatures unlike any she had ever seen before. She tilted her head down to get a closer look and saw four arms waving. She gasped. "It's Linka and Wheeler!" The two "mosquitoes" covered their ears as Gi shouted. Gi scooped them into her hands and brought them close to her face.

"Uh oh," Wheeler said.

"What now?" asked Linka.

"I'm getting that funny feeling again. Gi! You better put me down unless you want to get an eye full!" cried Wheeler. "And set me down by my clothes, too, please!"

Linka giggled long and hard as Gi's other hand came down and picked Wheeler up. Gi set him down in his pile of clothes and then politely took the freshly washed clothes to an area that was farther away so Wheeler could get dressed in peace. When he came back, he took Linka from Gi and grinned down at her, eye level.

"Why are you big again and not me?" she asked.

"You just got more of that stuff on you than I did. That's all. It'll wear off soon enough. But until then," he put Linka in his jacket pocket, "you better stay here."

"Oof!" she cried as she was tossed willy-nilly into Wheeler's front pocket.

"Oh yeah!" he said. "I forgot. You were complaining about your clothes. Here, let me fix that," he said. He put his hand in his pocket and retrieved a miniature torn toga made of tissue in his thumb and forefinger. Linka's arms reached out of his jacket pocket and flailed about for her toga.

"Give that back!" she whaled.

All the Planeteers laughed except for Linka who was still groping about for her toga.

"Wheeler!" she cried accusatorily, her voice rising at the end of his name. "When I'm big enough to get my hands on you…"

"I'm lookin' forward to it!" he sneered.

And everyone laughed even harder.


End file.
